The main factor directly related to lying is fear. Impulsive reactions from both parents and teachers should be avoided. Especially young students get scared more quickly and as a result, putting responsibility in front of them with insistence makes them lie.
It often happens that we find ourselves in front of a lie. I don’t think there is anyone who hasn’t told at least one lie in his life.
How many times have we lied to our children intentionally or unintentionally? Even to avoid a responsibility, or even to justify an action, we often lie.
It is different with children. If we adults are aware of our actions, children lie without thinking too much and without considering the consequences.
The main factor directly related to lying is fear. The great fear of punishment causes a child to lie about a mistake, about a grade, about an impolite behavior towards someone, or even when he takes a tool from a friend and doesn’t tell them.
All the impulsive reactions that we adults make against children’s mistakes, makes them lie out of fear. If they haven’t learned, or if they haven’t done their homework, children always try to find an excuse to escape a negative grade.
Personally, I make it clear to the students from the beginning that I really value honesty when they miss something in class and I don’t betray their trust. I prefer to have mutual trust as the foundation of my relationships with students. This is very important for me as a teacher.
Impulsive reactions from both parents and teachers should be avoided.
Especially young students get scared more quickly and as a result, putting responsibility in front of them with insistence makes them lie. Fear always makes a person come out of himself. Fearing someone’s judgment or reaction and avoiding that reaction causes the lie to come into play.
The great fear causes the child to lie and for the moment to escape from the punishments and the barrage of words that will pour down on him.
Even worse, physical violence, which a child cannot cope with emotionally, as well as psychological violence. The more pressure we put on them, the more lies we will hear from them. We must keep our cool and convince the children that we are there not to judge them, but to support and guide them.
If we are always in front of them pointing the index finger like an arrow, then even their decision to tell the truth has wavered. The more we are dictating them, or putting them in a corner, the more we are betraying their trust to tell the truth. We often have to be in the role of a listener and a friend, rather than in the role of a parent or a teacher.
Why do children trust their peers more than their parents?
Because friends do not judge them, because they are not able to distinguish the line that separates good from bad. In accordance with their age, they have the same thoughts. This makes them not clear in their thinking. Working with parents is different.
Children are often beaten to tell the truth for fear of a parent’s or teacher’s reaction. It happens that one parent lies to the other parent, making the child a part of the lie.
This action legitimizes the lie in the eyes of the child, it seems normal and gives him the impetus to use the lie to get out of a certain situation. It happened that they played inside the house and accidentally broke a vase or an object. Out of fear, they hid it and did not tell the truth.
I remember an episode with the two sons of a friend of mine. They were alone during the day, because both parents gathered at home for dinner, due to business.
Being alone, the two little boys invented all kinds of games to pass the time within the four walls of the house. One day they took the ball and started playing football in their room.
Suddenly, they threw the ball to the lamppost above and broke it. Both boys were very scared and ran out to the shops to buy the lampadar, but the time did not promise them and they returned home empty handed.
Fearing punishment, they took a colored (paper) bag and very awkwardly placed it in the place where the lamp had been. This ploy worked for a while, until my friend’s mom noticed after a few days and they faced the responsibility.
There are such incidents and each of us has experienced different situations with children and students or with someone else.
So the biggest fear is the fear of punishment in children, rather than the fear of the damage they may have done, because they don’t have the maturity to judge it up to this point. But the fear of verbal or physical punishment makes them to invent lies or even find alternative ways to cover up the mistakes they commit.